Well, apparently I can’t count, even sober. I have only a handful of posts here and already I have screwed up the day #’s. Oh well, worse things have happened.
Today I was supposed to have court for my DUI. I got up early, got there, waited for my lawyer and when she shows up she says something to the effect of “I didn’t really know your case was today, I’m not ready, so let’s get this pushed back.” That’s fine and all, I certainly don’t want to go to court with an unprepared lawyer, but the whole uncertainty of this case is killing me. I want to know if I’ll lose my license, for how long, will I do jail time, how much community service, what’s it going to cost me….? I was almost looking forward to today to have some answers.
I did get to read the police report today. That’s kind of a wake up call. DUI #2 and you know you have a problem. Reading a narrative of an event that you think you remember clearly and realizing that things are worse for you than you thought really puts a pit in your stomach. I cried and almost threw up. My car was not moving when I was “pulled over”, I was sleeping in my car both times. Both times the car was in drive and my foot on the brake. Talk about not learning from your mistakes! They weren’t lying when they said that alcohol will impair judgement. The only thing that keeps me sane and grounded through this ordeal is the fact that I did not hurt anyone. I am thankful for that every day.
Obviously I wish I could go back in time and make different choices, but if I had decided not to drive that night I would not have chosen to make this positive life change. Deciding to be sober is scary. It is intimidating. I now understand why alcoholics are always “in recovery.” Its because every day you have to make a conscious decision not to drink. You could slip up at any time. Slipping up wouldn’t be failure though, because I have committed to this. I heard a saying about weight loss and I think it fits here, “If you were going up a flight of stairs and you tripped would you give up and go back down?” I don’t plan on slipping up, but my point is that I plan on NOT giving up.
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